In her September 17, 2025 Wall Street Journal Opinion piece, Barbara Oakley described the difficulty we have as individuals and a society to hear voices from others who have opposing views. She writes about our tendency to be closed or even rigid in our thinking:
“Our brains are built to form habits. The basal ganglia—deep learning circuits that automate whatever we repeat—don’t absorb only tennis serves or piano scales. They also wire in patterns of thought. If the only messages we hear are one-sided, the brain’s habit circuits carve them into grooves of thought that resist change. Rigidity at the neural level breeds rigidity at the civic level.”
You may have heard the quote “neurons that fire together wire together.” Thoughts, opinions, and facts that we repeatedly think, say, read, or hear activate specific nerve fibers in our brains, creating wired-in paths. These become our defaults. Our biases reinforce these pathways, increasing our close-mindedness. An example is the confirmation bias, our well-documented tendency to seek out and believe information that validates our beliefs and discount information that contradicts them. We even have a bias that convinces us we are not biased, the bias blind spot.
When two people with opposing views engage in a head-on-verbal clash, the rigidity only worsens. The conflict activates the brain’s threat detection system in the limbic region, putting each person into defense mode—they dig in deeper into their usual neural pathways of thought. As Oakley puts it:
“In other words, once convictions are woven into our sense of self, challenge doesn’t loosen them—it locks them in.”
If we want to create a society with more civility, respect, and genuine listening, we have only one choice—we must work on ourselves. Remember…
It is very difficult to change ourselves,
but it is impossible to change another.
We have the amazing power to grow more neural networks in our brains, and it is these new circuits that will help us process information with less reactivity and bias. As Einstein said:
"The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking.
It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
Below are some steps you can take to build more healthy and open-minded neural pathways. Join me in this journey of personal transformation—this is how we can make our country a better place.
SUGGESTIONS:
1. Check out All Sides to review your news sources. Do they skew far left or right? If so, add different sources. I recommend Tangle News, unique in how it covers specific stories from all sides. Tangle also offers a political podcast.
2. Arrange a practice conversation with a friend who, like you, is concerned about our country, but has different views. Pick an issue that is not too contentious, maybe a local issue. Be curious. Ask questions. Answer their questions. If this sounds too scary, go to Braver Angels or One America (faith based) for already organized opportunities to practice conversations.
3. Learn more about yourself. Explore the Enneagram, a guide to personality types, described as a “powerful gateway to self-awareness and understanding of others.” For a free Ennegram typing interview, contact my friend and colleague, Susan Riggs, a certified Enneagram practitioner.
4. Mindfulness and meditation practices will increase your awareness and help you notice when you start getting reactive at someone’s contrary views. Over time, you will be able to calmly listen with love and curiosity. Check out this free, high-quality Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course or read my thoughts in Why Meditate? or the Christian meditation known as Centering Prayer.
Love and prayers to all,
Donna
PS I so appreciated all the emails I received after last month’s blog. Would you consider adding your future comment in the Comment Section of my blog instead of in an email so we can learn from each other? Anonymous is OK. Of course, ANY type of feedback is greatly appreciated!
EXTRAS
Navigate our messy world with more ease in 2025!
In our FREE 10-episode video series, “Engaging with a Messy World,” Integral Coach Susan Riggs and I unlock how we can each access and embrace more grace, inner-calm, and resilience.
Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, her podcast/vlog series, “Engaging with a Messy World” and " “Pop-Up Conversations on Health of Mind, Body, and Spirit,” and programs at her church. She is the author of Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021), a recent best-seller on Amazon, 2022 Illumination Awards Gold Medal Winner, 2022 Reader Views Literary Award Gold Medal Winner, and 2022 Catholic Media Association First Place Awards.
We can develop new brain pathways that will help us rethink how we think. Learn how this will lead to more civility and respect in our country.