Ep. 12: “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: How To Live An Authentic Life” With Geri Scazzero
““It’s impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.””
In 1987, Geri and her husband co-founded New Life Fellowship Church in Queens, NY. The Church thrived. Geri did not. For nine years she tried to be a “good” Christian, mother, and pastor’s wife, but she was increasingly stressed and unhappy. Geri shares how she made a dramatic decision that eventually led to transformations in her marriage and her Church.
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Note: This video has been edited to accommodate some very minor technical issues we experienced during the recording of the interview.
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Show Notes
“I was losing my soul.”
In 1987, Geri and her husband co-founded New Life Fellowship Church in Queens, NY. This project brought many difficulties and tremendous stress. In spite of the problems, the Church thrived. Geri did not. For nine years she tried to be a “good” Christian, mother, and pastor’s wife, but she was increasingly stressed and unhappy—she felt she was dying on the inside.
In 1996, Geri reached such a bad place that she couldn’t go on. She finally announced to her husband:
“I quit! This Church no longer brings me life. It brings me death. I’m leaving our Church.”
In her 2010 book, Emotionally Healthy Women, she describes what happened before and after she dropped this bombshell on her husband, the Pastor. She describes being in such a bad place that, for the first time, she really didn’t care what he or other people thought. This crisis for Geri and her husband was the beginning of a new life for them, their church, and for the many people helped by the ministry they later founded, Emotionally Healthy Discipleship. All this took time, a great deal of love and prayer, as well as support by mentors and therapists. It was a second conversion for them—“the scales fell from our eyes.” She tells me, “Emotionally Healthy Discipleship birthed out of my pain.”
In her book she details eight things Christians have to quit to be both emotionally and spiritually mature. “Quit 1” is “Quit being afraid of what others think.” For Geri this was the most difficult of all. It was wrenching for her to admit:
““I realized that my identity was not based in God’s love for me, but it was more based on what other people thought.””
Developing an Internal Life
Geri came to understand that she had all the intellectual skills and competencies but an undeveloped internal life—didn’t even know she had an internal life. The journey that she and Pete began led them to explore and learn new things and skills, like:
appreciation that 90% of our mind works “below the iceberg” in our unconscious—we are only aware of the 10% on top.
understanding how our family of origin affects our adult self and influences how we handle conflict, loss, grief, intense feelings … often in totally automatic reactive ways.
learning skills like how to listen and express feelings respectfully…skills that are necessary to love well.
learning that true peacemaking often involves disrupting a “false peace,” rather than smoothing over or avoiding conflict.
admitting our “gaps,” becoming self-aware of our weaknesses and admitting our vulnerabilities, while knowing Jesus loves us as we are.
accepting that probing and getting to know our deep self takes time and silence.
slowing down is key.
“Our heart is deep water.”
Geri also discovered the importance of silence when she needed to reconnect with herself and God. Silence is essential in three ways:
It calms the nervous system.
It gives us the opportunity to know what we are thinking and feeling.
It allows us to listen to God.
Additional Suggestions, Links, and Suggestions
Add quiet prayer time to your spiritual practice. If you’re unsure what to do, just start by silently thinking about Jesus as you breathe quietly.
I encourage you to read both Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and Emotionally Healthy Women.
My blogs often deal with the link between emotional health and God, such as: Christian Meditation, Ten Steps to Serenity, Health, and God. See more at serenityandhealth.com.
A great place to start is with a brief personal assessment of your own emotional maturity, a brief tool called “How Emotionally Healthy Are You?’ You can find it at emotionallyhealthy.org.
See Geri’s bio for more information about Geri and for a list of books and resources offered by Geri, Pete, and Emotionally Healthy Discipleship.
Thanks from all of us to Geri for participating in this series of Pop-Up-Conversations. I appreciate her giving us her time today and thank her and her husband for all their efforts to help people find an authentic and happy life in the family of Jesus.
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About Geri Scazzero
Geri is the author of the best-selling The Emotionally Healthy Woman, The Emotionally Healthy Woman Workbook/DVD, and co-author of The Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Course and The Emotionally Healthy Relationships Course. She is also, along with her husband Pete, the co-founder of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship, equipping the church in a discipleship that deeply changes lives.
Geri has served on staff of New Life Fellowship Church in New York City for the last twenty-nine years and is a popular conference speaker to pastors and church leaders – both in North America and internationally. Connect with Geri on Facebook (www.facebook.com/GeriScazzero).
Geri also recommended her husband’s book called Emotionally Healthy Leadership and alerted us to a new book coming this spring.
About Donna
Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, and programs at her church. She is the author of Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021).
Donna previously practiced medicine for forty years, first as a radiation oncologist and later, after re-training, as a family medicine doctor. What she learned taking care of immigrants and the homeless in Washington, D.C., continues to influence her programs. A central theme is that health of body, mind, and spirit is interrelated and connected to God, all as a package deal. Donna is a wife, mother, and grandmother and lives in University Park, Maryland.
Questions? Reach out to Donna Chacko.
It is not crazy to sit in silence doing nothing. Wise and holy men and women have always done it.