I believe in self-help. How we live our lives can dramatically affect our health of body, mind, and spirit. Eating healthy foods, exercising, finding meaning, prioritizing time for silence, nature, and God all matter. But I’ve come to recognize the limits of self-help in my own life.
For 15 years, I’ve been working to build up my musculoskeletal system—which unfortunately I had neglected for too long. I’ve tried many things, but this year finally hired a coach* who specializes in seniors and decided to fully trust her guidance. When I started, the sit-to-stand exercise felt awkward and painful. Now I can easily do three sets of 15.
Don’t wait as long as I did. If a problem persists, seek professional help, whether from a specialized coach, therapist, or doctor.
What about self-help efforts to gain emotional health and serenity? Prayer, study, counsel, discipline, and determination to grow and improve helped me. But they have proven insufficient.
I had to stop relying on my own efforts and start trusting God, the Great Physician, to heal me.
Over the years, my self-improvement work revealed unhealthy patterns of thinking and behavior that caused pain for me and others. Whether you call these weaknesses, automatic defaults, programming, or survival traits, these inclinations can unconsciously control our behavior and thinking. We all have them, traits like people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, perfectionism, vanity, procrastination, or workaholism.
Recognizing these tendencies is difficult. Sometimes awareness comes through a crisis, like a marriage breakup or job loss. Other times, it comes through years of slow and painful self-examination.
Here’s what surprised me: I thought awareness was the hard part. I assumed that once I clearly saw my unhealthy patterns, I could gradually heal myself if I just tried harder to change and continued with prayer and personal growth work—things like spiritual reading and direction, prayer groups, and occasional sessions with my therapist.
But I’ve learned that deeply ingrained tendencies are very difficult to heal through self-effort alone.
My self-help efforts continue, but they are not the full answer. I do not control my life, health, relationships, circumstances, or future nearly as much as I once imagined. My sense of control is often an illusion.
Of course, my choices do make a difference. But I’m finding that trusting God instead of relying primarily on myself brings greater freedom, peace, and true healing.
What does this look like?
I try to give God time each day, listen for his guidance, follow it as best I can,
and then trust him with the results. If I mess up, I say I’m sorry, try to make amends, and begin again.
So, no, it is not time to give up on self-help.
But it is time to stop relying totally on self-help
and open yourself to God’s plan for your healing.
For planners like me, this is challenging because God rarely reveals the whole plan in advance. I must trust him moment by moment.
I believe these two practices help me become more open and available to God’s presence and action in my life.
A regular practice of Centering Prayer..
Playing the piano.
Your path may look different, with daily walks, art, writing, other forms of prayer, or gardening. I believe these practices open us to God’s transforming presence.
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved,
For You are my praise. Jeremiah 17:14
SUGGESTIONS:
1. Thomas Keating wrote extensively about how Centering Prayer can help us let go of the “false self” and live more fully from the “true self.”
2. I am offering my first review—five stars for Kara Creed* at Vintage Fitness, the coaching company I mentioned above. I am very pleased with this organization and the quality and professionalism of the one-on-one virtual coaching services I am receiving. If you are a senior with musculoskeletal “issues” and want to be stronger and more mobile, please check out their website.
God bless all of you and our country on its upcoming 250th birthday,
Donna
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Dr. Donna Chacko promotes health of body, mind, and spirit through her website (serenityandhealth.com), her blog, her podcast/vlog series, “Engaging with a Messy World” and " “Pop-Up Conversations on Health of Mind, Body, and Spirit,” and programs at her church. She is the author of Pilgrimage: A Doctor’s Healing Journey (Luminare Press, 2021), 2022 Illumination Awards Gold Medal Winner, 2022 Reader Views Literary Award Gold Medal Winner, and 2022 Catholic Media Association First Place Awards.
Finally realizing I cannot fix myself by myself…